A Shattered Heart

This photo shows how big a part of the family Godiva was. We trusted him with Blair. With a 6 month old Blair. He never ever even attempted to snap at anyone ever in his 13.5 years. He was just a magical being.

Godiva Ramby: June 10, 1998 - November 26, 2011

Godiva was with us for 13.5 years. I knew the end was near, but I didn't know how much denial Chris and I were in until the moments were upon us. Godiva spent Friday hanging out with us the way he always does. He was tired, he had been tired for the last year. He still got around. He would still go upstairs, he was able to do his business outside, and come back in to see us. He got turkey scraps from me as I was making a casserole for dinner Friday night. He ran into the front yard as we all put up our Christmas lights in our front tree as we do every year. Chris and I didn't know what was to come for us that night. God came for our Godiva. He came and took him home to heaven.


Chris awoke me at about 2am. He told me he thought it was time. He scared me, I didn't know what he was saying. He was upset, you could tell. He told me to come quick, Godiva was dying. I couldn't believe him. How could this be? I went downstairs and he was on the floor breathing heavily. My emotions for the next 20 minutes ranged from denial, to focus and letting him be at peace. I knew I needed to tell him it was ok to go. That he had done so very much for us and that he loved us. He taught us how to be loving parents, how to care, and be loved, and to love! It took about 20 minutes, and he left us. He went to heaven, where he is now at peace.


We are having him cremated and bringing him home. We will most likely take him to the golf course he loved so much. The pond on #11. He loved it there, he spent so much time swimming and playing in that pond. We used to have to yell at him to get out, that he was wearing himself out. He adored it out there. Bounding across the field to get to that pond. I remember taking wedding photos and one of Chris's groomsmen had a hold of him and he tried to take off to the pond to go swimming. What an amazing creature Godiva was.


Reflecting on it, I see how lucky we were. Godiva was present with us all the way to the end. Sure, he was hard of hearing, he needed to be on pain meds for arthritis, but he played right up to the end. He was here, with us. I also see how special it was that Chris and I were the ones to see him go. We were his parents, we were the ones that raised him, took him to college with us, moved him all over the country, had him as a part of our wedding! We are the lucky ones to have had him along to share in all of our special moments. His greeting our new children into our family. He played soccer in the backyard with Chris and Blair so many evenings. Walks to the bay, swimming in the bay! I could go on and on. He is such a part of our family. Our house is so empty now. It just doesn't feel right.


Blair is confused. Why wouldn't he be. He asks several times a day where Godiva is. He wonders why his Mama is so very sad and crying so much. It is so difficult to let go. It is so difficult to figure out how to re enter reality. I am thankful I had two full days at home to mourn. To remember, to look at photos. To absorb the loss of him. It will be a long time till my heart feels full again. I am lucky to have my children to make me smile and my husband to give me the knowing looks of sadness. Only he can know how this feels, as he was also Godiva's loving parent.


We know there is a new bundle of joy out there that we will adopt. Maybe soon, maybe in a month, who knows. This hurt my heart to even think about it. But my family knows me better than most and they know that this loss could bring me down hard. I need to focus on a new pup eventually. I am not sure how I'll continue to get through it, I just know I will.


God Blessed me with the most amazing animal that gave me so much unconditional love. I am truly blessed.


I love you Godiva. Rest in Peace now my fuzzy bear.