My anxiety has hit new levels. Chris had a long trip this past week. He had a rare weekend flight and has been gone since Friday. Usually not a big deal for me. I am used to having a pilot husband. I am fairly self sufficient and know I can take care of things till his return. This time was stressful though.
Last night was a culmination for me. For some reason my anxiety hit a new level. It is so silly. But, Blair was in his bed. Usually he sleeps with his closet light on, but it needs replaced (a daddy task). So, I had to take his light that clips onto his bed (he has bunk beds and we have one of those clip on lights for his bunk) and rig it to clamp onto a toy bucket in his closet, then have the closet door almost closed, as usual. But, when I laid down I couldn't stop thinking about that light, and how dangerous it is. I kept thinking that it was going to catch fire and I would have to rescue Blair. I went so far in my mind with this that I was thinking up the different ways to escape with him. Crazy!!! Mommy is CRAZY!
I finally (after an hour and a half of dreaming up scenarios) went into his room, found him sound asleep and turned off that light. I then slept like a baby myself.
Part of this is completely normal motherly behavior. Worrying about every little thing concerning your children is totally fine. The other part is my knowledge which gets in the way of rational thought when mixed with my motherly instinct! My college degree is a strange one. It is a mix of Engineering and Psychology. I had to take lots of different courses which are difficult to mix in your mind. Cognitive Behavior, Product Liability, product design. Designing for the human. Engineering for the human. When I think about what can go wrong, it is because I have studied what HAS gone wrong when one uses a product the wrong way. UGH!!! Can't get this anxiety OUT OF MY HEAD.
Anyway...I had to pick the kids up late last evening. 6pm. Sucked, but it was a long work day for me. We try not to leave them there that late EVER and it RARELY happens, but it did yesterday. They had a great day though. We have the best daycare ever. When I picked up Skylar she said 'Night Night' to her teacher. Melted.My.Heart.
Listening to her start to talk more and more is just amazing and remarkable. I make sure to talk through everything we are doing with her to make sure she is developing her speech. I talk to her when we are putting her clothes on, when we change her diaper, when we feed her. All of it. I make sure to talk to her when I am telling her to do something she may not want to do. She has in turn developed wonderfully! She now shakes her head for yes and no, she replies many times with a 'bop'. She is now saying more words than Blair was at her age. But I am not surprised since she has her brother to listen to and also us. He teaches her so much. We have also told him to talk to her through things so she knows what he is doing. You know men...so not communicators. But Blair has been fabulous.
Her 12 month well baby visit went great! She FINALLY got it done after being sick for a couple of months. A Cold in October/November and RSV in December pushed off those shots. She was measuring right on schedule with her past measurements. 25% for Weight, 50-75% for height and 50% for head. Not sure WHERE that height thing comes in! Its not from her Mama!
4 comments:
I totally understand the mommy anxiety. I would have done the exact same thing (and I didn't take all those classes in college! LOL). I think we all stress out like that, and even though you are totally capable of taking care of your babies while Chris is out of town, I think it does raise your anxiety. At least it does mine. I have often had thoughts like yours, what if this happens, how do I get myself and my babies out of danger...I have often mapped out escape routes for each room of the house for several different scenarios...I just figured I was really morbid and slightly insane...but it is very good to know that it may just be mommy anxiety and that I am not the only one who does this. Although I do admit that it is entirely possible that I am morbid and slightly insane as well! Haha.
I'm sure having an older sibling will teach her more words, but it seems like girls learn to speak earlier as well. All the little girls I know learned to speak earlier than the boys. And the speech itself was more clear. It always impresses me when I visit my cousin and his daughter. She's Blair's age, but she can hold a conversation with adults. Trips me out.
Have you ever thought about talking to a psychiatrist. I feel like you get high anxiety about a lot of things easily. Maybe it would help to talk it out with a professional? Or maybe he could prescribe some medication that would help you out? I agree that I would have worried about the light, but I don't think I would have gone to the imaginary extremes you did. Just a thought!!
I have shrink experience from adolescent depression and this doesn't constitue meds. I think I just need to talk it out and then I am better. Chris is a good one to get me through it. He also told me that I was right to be worried about that light, that it heated up pretty good. We replaced it.
Talking with my dad (family doc) he said its normal, I'm a mom. Also talked with my OB/GYN. She said that I need to wait for my hormones to also even out. I just quit breastfeeding 2 months ago and my estrogen is still low, and I just got a surge of testosterone. Whew, my skin could tell me that! Acne sucks it. Just started a new birth control and she seems to think that will even me out.
Sara, I never really think about my anxiety levels being due to Chris being away, but I automatically breath a sigh of relief when he walks through that door. Like 'thank GOD he is home and he can share parenting responsibilities'. Can you imagine what military wives go through?!
Maybe we are both insane, but we can go down that path together!
Ya maybe you're right. We each just have our own switch for anxiety. Mine is the thought of an intruder. I have thought about what I would do if someone ever broke into our house. I used to freak out about fires because we had those storm shutters on all the windows. Now that those are gone I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing we can get out easily.
But if you are losing sleep over anxiety, it might be worth talking to someone professionally about it. A lot has changed in your life since adolescence. An nobody's happy when Mommy's not happy. ;)
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